It's Just Not Working Out....

My probation period ended with the Fire Marshal's Office and they let me go. After all that work, training, classes, paying dues, biting my tongue. My boss always said "Trust, Loyalty, and Honesty" was all he asked of me. And what do I get in return? A knife in my back. People would talk so much trash about my boss to me and I never once said one bad thing. I feel so stupid for trusting him.

It's just not working out! Totally out of nowhere. How do you go from getting job shirts with your name on them, business cards, told that your exit interview for probation would be no sweat they are definitely keeping you...don't worry I won't fire you....to....I'm sorry it's just not working out?

There were questions put to me about how I would handle certain things in light of me being a woman. Like securing a fire crime scene over night. Getting the respect of the fire departments. How serious is this liver disorder of yours? How often you do you think you might miss work? Do you want to have kids? When and how do you plan on handling that without making "the job" suffer. Gonna have fun this weekend, don't get knocked up. I don't want to have to get you new uniforms. But you and I know that is just the kind of crap you take to show that you aren't easily offended. You know how it goes. You go with it and eventually once they see you aren't some crazy feminist they'll lay off a bit. The jokes are just part of the environment, like initiation.

I noted these red flags but brushed it off. I was repeatedly assured that I was doing a great job, becoming a contributing member of the office team, blah, blah, learning and training so quickly. I'll give you more responsibility when I think you are ready. Right now I just want you to focus on inspections. Then, I'm sorry it's just not going to be a good fit. You haven't shown me enough for me to think you can handle this position. Well he was the one who hired me in the first place. He saw my qualifications and hired me.

Truth being, my boss man is 5yrs. from retiring and he is burnt out. HE doesn't feel like he has the time to train me to take over his position fast enough. So he tried to get budget money to hire another Deputy and he was denied. What's a guy to do? No more money in the budget. Don't want to spend the time to train anyone. Burnt out and wants to off load all his work onto someone else. Oh, I know....let the chick go to hire someone that I can get to do all of the work for me without any training required! Plus he had already made comments about how he was getting shit from the fire department for hiring a women. I'm sure he's getting a few pats on the back for getting rid of me. It just sucks that politics play so much into the job.

He said that he didn't see that I was progressing fast enough, yet he kept me so tight under his thumb never letting me show any potential. He said he was protecting me from the fire departments. He was always yelling at me, tearing me down to build me back up Marine style he would say but the building back up never happened, said I was his project and one day I would look back and respect everything he was doing for me by being so tough, one day he'd love to promote me to Fire Marshal and pin that badge on me but it was all up to me. He did nothing but call me a disappointment, tell me my four year degree in Fire Safety Engineering Technology and NAFI certifications were a joke. I worked so hard thinking he's just doing this to make me stronger. It sucks to work so hard to get somewhere in the fire community just to find out you are just another piece of somebody else's political agenda, just a big damn joke.

It's like he just wanted to get a pat on the back from county management for giving the girl a try (which every time he introduced me to people he'd say, never thought I'd hire a women did ya) and then turning around and getting another pat on the back from the fire departments for letting me go.

This was a dream job for me and I loved it! We moved 45mins. from Raleigh and our friends for this job. This is going to be very hard to bounce back from. It would be easier if I hated the job, but I really loved what I was doing. I can't imagine doing anything else that I would love as much and it was just stripped away from me without anything I could do about it.

I'm embarrassed to even go out into the county thinking that I may run into somebody from one of the fire departments. Lord knows what he told them as far as why I was let go. I think I am going to move back to Raleigh.

So please, please keep me and Mike in your prayers!