My mother said probably the best thing anyone has said to me at the exact right moment. When I lost my job she said, "Honey, I think maybe God is saving you from yourself." That hit me so hard, those words went deep into the core of my being. It has touched me so deeply I know God guided my mother in helping me deal with this crossroad in life.
When I lost my all important, big professional time demanding job I was CRUSHED! I thought..."This is what I have been working for my whole life. Who am I without a successful career?" I've let my career drive define me for so long and I have cared WAY to much about what people would think about me if I wasn't successful. It has taken me over. I convinced myself that the job was going to be good for my family. It is the best thing I could do for Mike and I to prepare for having a family together.
Why? Because the money? The money wasn't ALL that. Really after thinking about it now, I realize that job was one of the most selfish things I have ever done. I put myself and my ego before my husband and my future family. I would have never been home. I was already convincing Mike that I could handle the career and a baby, but I was really just trying to convince myself. Respect, Money, Power....I was being taken over by greed and indulging my ego at any cost without even realizing that the cost would be my own Happiness!
God has saved me from myself. I am soooo happy right now. I FINALLY know who I am and what I want out of life. I am a WIFE who loves her husband with every tiny space I have in my heart. I will be a MOTHER one day. I will work not for recognition, but to help my husband support a family. I will take pride in the work I do, but I will never put it before my family. My husband will be my provider and I will be his supporter. Nothing will make me happier than to do a job well and come home to a loving family. When I leave this world I don't want my biggest accomplishment to be my career, I want it to be my family and touching the lives of others.
I started the RCIA program right before I was offered the deputy fire marshal position, which is the program the Catholic church has for adults to become Catholic. I started my "faith journey" with my Write of Welcome and I believe all of this has been HIS plan for me. I truly believe God has lead me through this journey to look deep within myself so I can finally throw out this plan I had made for myself and that would only lead me to self-destruction....to knowing his plan for me, the way to true peace and happiness.
Thank you God, for saving me from myself....Again! :)
Update: I took an administrative asst. position with an architecture & engineering firm in Raleigh. Doing the 8-5 thing. We are moving back to Raleigh, NC. We are sooo excited to be close to our friends again, who really are our family here. Life is Good, God is Great!
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