So I have a very serious disorder that plagues me, dealt with it my entire life. It's called "Dark Cloud-itis”. I have days that make other people say, "There’s no way all that happened to you in one day!" Oh yeah, I'm that person. If you don't have someone in your life that has "Dark Cloud-itis"...get one...they will make you feel amazingly good about your life.I, on the regular, share my Dark Cloud stories with my coworkers. They usually laugh hysterically; say "no way", "Oh my God, there's more..." in response. Last story session they said I should start a whole blog designated to just Dark Cloud Days to help others feel better about what's going wrong in THEIR lives. So I will start sharing them on here with you. So let's discuss today, shall we?
Wake up with Mason. We have breakfast. I start some laundry. We play. He goes down for a nappy. Scrub the bathroom floor pretty. I take a shower. This is a wonderful day in Mommy-land when chores and a shower get done during nap time. I think to myself, "wow, what a great day." Then the clouds roll in...
My mom shows up. Ready to cook a turkey? I say, "Nope, I told Mike that Mason and I would visit him at his work at the Mall." She says, "Well how are we gonna get the turkey cooked?" I dunno Mom. She recommends that we leave it to cook on low while we go to visit Mike. Skiiiirrtttt....hold up. My Major in college was Fire Safety...do you really think I'd be OK with that? Well, do it later. We gotta get on the road cuz the Mall is in Ohio and It’s already 2:30 PM.
I'm getting dressed and picking out clothes for Mason when Mom says, "Wear something nice. I want to get pictures at the Mall with the big tree." I said sure, why don't we go ahead and have Mason see Santa for the first time and get a picture. Great! Everyone is happy, wearing festive red, off we go...
On the way to the highway Mom says, I would like a big unsweet iced tea. Can you stop at McD's drive thru and get me one. Sure... Oh wait, we pull in and I remember that I am driving the ghetto Jetta today and my window doesn't roll down. You wait here with Mason Mom and I'll run in real fast. So I'm exiting McD's and I see Mom in the back seat. Mason is now screaming and hungry since it took so long to pick out clothes and get on the road...so now he wants to eat. I give him the second half of the bottle he had before we left. All is good... On the road to the Mall...
But not quite yet cuz Mom needs to stop at Sam's Club to get a pumpkin pie and won't have time to get one later. FYI Mom has no car cuz she left her's in Shelbyville. Long story... I drop her off out front and circle around the lot. Well Mason is not happy again and yelling and crying. So I park and get in the back seat to entertain him while I wait. Meanwhile, Mike calls with the "Where the heck are you phone call?" Awesome, right... I explain what is going on. He states he gets off soon, blah blah, what’s taking so long, he’ll be off by the time we get there and I respond with "We are in nice clothes, I got Mason out, Mom wants pictures, this was the plan...with or without you we are going to the F'n TriCounty Mall." He laughs and simply says...see ya soon honey.
Well, Since Mom thought I'd pick her up at the front of Sam's it takes her a bit before she realizes I haven't driven by so she calls me. "Where are you?" I parked next to a bright yellow car. She finally finds us and on the road we go.
Only I drove down the wrong road and got on the highway going the opposite way I needed to. No biggie, I'll turn around at the next exit. As I'm driving my driver's side window slips down. This happens when only a little wooden wedge crammed into the slot is holding your window in the upright position. So I decide I'll just stop at the gas station to pull up the window and re-stick the wooden thingy back in so Mason won't get cold and then we are totally on our way...
I pull into the Travel Lodge and park. Hop out, get the wooden wedge out, pull the window up, stick the wooden wedge back in, and success. Fast like lightening! I hop back in and....and...nothing. That's right, the car will not turnover. Crap! Must be the battery I think. Mom asks a lady at the pump if she will jump us and in true holiday spirit she says, "I don't help Honkies". No lie. She really said that to my Mom. LOL So Mom, a lil shocked, goes inside and secures help from a nice young gentleman to jump our car. Yea!!!
We hook up the cars and I tell him how appreciative we are. Mason starts getting cranky again. That half of a bottle wasn't enough. So I am sitting in the drivers seat trying to crank up my car with the right hand and shaking/mixing a bottle with my left hand. How redneck am I at this point. Oh my goodness... I am at a Travel Lodge with my ghetto Jetta, jumping my battery, and making my baby a bottle at the same time. Wow! Mason is happy with the bottle, but the car still isn't turning over. I call Mike...
He tells me to do some kind of Hokey Pokey with the car. Get out, close all doors, put the key that unlocks the doors in the lock, turn to the right till the little red light comes on by the lock, turn it back, then turn it to the right two more times until the red light blinks, get back in and start it. SERIOUSLY! NEVER HAVE I EVER! Do I need to stick my tounge out, hold my breath, and close my left eye too?!? Sure enough, I follow Mike's directions and it starts. Something to do with a VW security system. No idea. Well as that little red light was blinking I noticed that the rear driver's side window that has never worked, rolls down. Hmmmm....that's odd. I push the up button. I hear the motor for the window but nothing happens. I call Mike back...
Car is running but now the window in the back won't roll up. He says, "You got Channel Locks in the car?". Well, I don't even know what a Channel Lock is SOOOO I'm gonna go with a big NO here. No Channel Locks but there is another very nice young gentleman willing to help get the window up and wedge it up with tire patches. That's right the ghetto Jetta just got more ghetto kids. But what the hell, we are on the road. Finally....
I'm trucking down the interstate with the Jetta running like a champ and all windows up feeling pretty OK now. Running incredible behind but hey it's gonna happen. I've never been there so I have GPS going. I see my next exit will be 275. Awesome, I know where that is. So I see the 275 and take it. Rock on! Well, apparently it meant 275 WAY, WAY further down the interstate NOT where I exited. I should have listened for the little talking GPS lady instead of jumping ahead with the next step. I now realize I have made the world's largest U-Turn and entered the interstate only a few exits up from where I started. Great when you're running behind. Awesome!
So I follow the GPS rigidly now. I look at the clock and realize we are hitting the Mason melt-down hour. The hour when cute adorable little MaeBae turns into Monster Mae ready for bath and bedtime. Oh yeah these pictures with Santa are gonna Rock!
We arrive at the Mall. Things are nice. Relieved to finally be at our destination. We see Mikey. I feel better. Let's locate Mr. Santa-man. Read the sign by the big green chair and it says "Santa will be back at 6:30pm". Of course, we get there and Santa is on break. Mason is getting SOOOO cranky. We wheel him around the Mall trying to keep him happy. He's doing pretty good so far. We get in the Santa line and he is eating his little puffs and all smiles for his Daddy. I think, Yeah it'll be fine.
It's our turn. We put him on Santa's lap and we get one picture taken with a confused look on his face and then....water works. That's right folks. He got one good look at that Santa and started balling his little eyes out. I even tried to sit with him. Nothing helped. At least we have one picture where he's not red faced, screaming, with tears running down his little face.
We are leaving and Mike knowing I've been put through the ringer today offers to take Mason home in his car. I'm a mess, scatter brained, nerves fried...I just said, go for it. Mom and I get in the Jetta and it starts, all the windows stay up...off we go. We are on the road headed home and this crazy Mini-Van driver pulls up next to us with a suburban looking lady in the passenger seat doing some sort of frantic hand gestures at us. She looks like she's signing to us. Making a folding motion and then pointing to the back of my car over and over. They pull in front of us and put their blinker on to get over. I think ummm there is either something really wrong with my car or these people are trying to kill us. Please don't let it be a flat tire. Mom and I discuss that their appearance didn't look too threatening so we will get over on the shoulder behind them. But one wrong move and I will ram them with my car.
Mom gets out as I am in position for running crazy people over. Mom has a dialogue with the lady, goes to the back of the car, and returns with MY WALLET. That's right. In my scattered state I left my wallet on the bumper of my car. And thankfully I had some sliver of good luck in that it stayed there for these crazy but super nice Mini-Vaners to flag us down on the shoulder of the interstate for us to retrieve it. Wow. What a night.
We finally pull up at my Mother's apartment. I am so ready to end this day. I am very thankful to make it back in one piece. Then my mother looks at me and says, "What about cooking the Turkey?". Ha, ha I'm done people. Gotta Love Life! GOOOOOD NIGHT!!!
