Thursday, January 14, 2016

This Cookie Monster image just says it all. I went full out Paleo for 3 days. Quit it all cold turkey. I relapsed the third night.

Day One - I was stressed but excited.  It was new. I was prepared with my recently bought groceries.  I should have bought more.  All the options I bought didn't seem to go as far or be as appealing as I had imagined.  I drank my coffee black and didn't mind.  I picked up the Starbucks blonde blend K-Cups so it is easier to drink without all the sugar and creamer.  I felt the cravings hit me around 2pm.  That is when I go to pick up my son from school and then we hit the skatepark and playground so I was distracted and survived.  I had more cravings that evening after the kids went to bed but I ate my chilled pineapple instead.  I felt proud.

Day Two - Day two is hell people. The new is gone.  You are left alone with just the realization that it is really gone.  You reminisce about the good times you and sugar and the crap food use to have.  

Sugar, do you remember how you were there for me every morning at  Port City Java waiting in my hot fancy coffee?  I miss you. I miss us.  You were my partner to get through the day.  I had to leave you.  This was an unhealthy relationship but oh how I miss you.  I keep thinking about you. Everything reminds me of you. There is no where to turn right now that I can forget you.  But you did some pretty awful things to me and I will use that to be strong. 

I managed to get through that day of grieving and loss.  Day two felt like I had been ran over by a truck. Everything hurt.  I had a horrific headache.  I think what gave me strength was my husband.  He was there to keep me accountable and told me he was proud of me.  How could I mess that up? So, I didn't. 

Day Three - The day of relapse.  I was feeling pretty dang good.  The aches and pains were gone.  I noticed that my stomach was not bloated.  I already knew some snacks and meal options from the two previous days.  I hadn't stepped on a scale and didn't care to.  I could feel my body letting go of the crap and it felt great.  I carried on perfectly.  Until I put the kids to bed. You see, my husband was gone for the second night this week.  I was a bit sad and lonely.  I needed a friend.  I know you should never call up an ex when you are sad and lonely.  I thought just a little bit couldn't hurt.  Just one little hit of sugar and I'd be right again.  I could quit when I wanted.  I was still in control.  Then I ended up looking just like that Cookie Monster image.  Like a sugar crack addict I shoved caramel popcorn in my mouth. Then a couple spoons of vanilla ice cream.  Then I saw it.  A package of ready to bake cookie dough squares I had gotten for the kids to make before Christmas break.  Before I could even stop to think I had eaten four of them.  Then in a moment of clarity and shame I laid on the couch in pain.  My stomach twisted and turned.  I felt bloated and uncomfortable.  I had that headache again.  It was not worth it!  

So here I am, Day Four.  The day after my sugar relapse and I'm feeling optimistic.  I'm not going to shame myself and feel guilty today. Instead I'm going to use that experience as fuel to fight cravings.  When sugar calls me I will remember how it felt after that binge and I will not answer. 

It's true that breakups are messy!
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Hello. My name is Sarah and I am a sugar addict. 

I never looked at food like an addiction until a month ago. I was noticing that I needed, not wanted, NEEDED my coffee in the morning to function.  What good is a cup of coffee if it also isn't sweet and yummy?!? Mommy treats I call them.  I deserve these fancy cups of hot goodness!!  Problem, after said cup of saving grace I didn't feel found...I felt lost. Literally lost.  My head felt like there was this weird cloud inside.  I could not concentrate. What good is energy from caffeine if I can't remember what I needed it for? Oh yeah, I remember, I needed it to function and not be a meanie mommy.  So my sugar now affects my family life.  Yikes. 

I have been trying to eat well.  I have taken periods of time to count calories and participate in weight loss challenges.  I would pick healthy foods, watch my caloric intake, drink more water, move a bit more, wear my cool new yoga pants accessory called a FitBit.  Not much was happening.  I saw little progress. What I was not paying attention to was my snaking, the various cheat days, those sugary coffees and other "mommy treats".  The bowl of ice cream after a long day. I don't drink wine. I can't leave my home due to the kids.  My escape is food. And not just any food, indulgent sugary treats and drinks.  In my mind as long as it wasn't everyday and all the time and I tried to eat well I should still feel and look better.  Um....no.

Last month I was noticing that when I wasn't eating sugar I would CRAVE it.  It would call to me all day.   I would give in and then immediately feel like crap.  Not emotionally like crap. I mean I physically was ill.  I would have a headache because I needed sugar.  I would eat the sugar and then get a headache after the crash.  I would feel bloated and miserable.  I would then crave more sugar. And so......  I realized I am a sugar addict.  

This epiphany along with some research led me to Paleo.  I am consuming no added or refined sugar, grains, or dairy.  

I'm ready to break up with Sugar!
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Alright. You know how life goes down. Sometimes we find time for "me" things and sometimes we let them go.  In this instance I let my blog go for so long I literally forgot about it. And for the 11 of you that follow...ha, ha.. I'm sorry.  Here is my update on my Love Lee Life:

- We bought a home in Wake Forest, NC.
- Mason got into an amazing Charter Academy and my photography really took off!!
- My husband was promoted and relocated. So we rented that house out and moved to Carolina Beach.  We are renting a townhome just 3 blocks from the ocean.
- Mason is getting ready to be 6 and Emmy is now 3.  Mason is adjusting to his new school OKish.
- I haven't yet started my photography here in CB. It's very small town and not sure where to break into the market yet or if I plan to.  Thinking about going back to school. 
-  Mike bought me a Jeep for Christmas as a surprise.  It is amazing. RIP MiniVan. 
- My weight has been up and down.  I just started Paleo this week. Ahhhhhh!!

That brings us somewhat current. I'm sure I'll have spots to fill in.  I wanted to pick up the blog again for documenting my journey into a healthier lifestyle and starting the Paleo diet.  Due to my random nature there will be random life, craft and photography posts sprinkled in between. 

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